CV's and Show reels

Seriously is there anyway a 32 year old restaurant manager will ever become a TV presenter? Or am I really fooling myself. Four months ago I did have the confidence, I did the show reel. I looked at myself in the mirror and said "Yes, you can do it", and I walked down O' Connell street with a cameraman and felt in my element.
But now I feel like a scared person without confidence. This is so morally bad and I don't know when this crept up on me. I hate this feeling of despair and rejection, frustration and pity. Everyday is like a long tunnel to walk through dreary and depressing. To look at me, I look full of joy but I am screaming inside. I want to cry always and do cry non stop and try to keep myself busy so things will miraculously turn around, and so I can forget about these feelings. How did it all happen?
I bundle all my CV’s and show reels into the boot of the car. Make my boyfriend shower and come with me. We drive around town to all the production companies. I burn my jeans on a heater in a Ranelagh hairdressers asking for directions and now I have a burned mark right on the back of my jean leg. I am lucky I survived. The place was worse than the David Daven-Power freak show at the recent FF Ard Feis.
Dropping in my CV’s has made me ultra sensitive now, regarding peoples names whom I have addressed my letters to, as I now find that those people have left. Some letters I have addressed to people as Managing Directors (apologies Dennis O’ Brien!). Seriously Marie!
In a matter of 5 minutes back in the car I no longer look so pretty, carefree and joyful. I manage to start a row, cry again and nearly crash the car. I drive to the nearest Tesco’s and buy cigarettes -’So you can forget about the bloody squash racquet we’re saving for - I’m spending all our money on smokes‘. I drive Dan home, row and leave. All I eat all day is one biscuit and 4 cigarettes.
I head off to Mums and give her the weekly Spanish lesson and take the dart to Raheny. After crying so much my contacts are so cloudy and of course I can’t see a bloody thing so I end up winking at everybody to try and clear my eyes. The guy in front of me thinks I’m as odd as anything. I get off and wait for my Uncle Martin to start our canvassing. A car comes by flashing its lights and as I walk towards waving like a lunatic I realise that it’s not him! Martin is in the car behind. Getting over my mistake we head towards our destination- canvassing heaven-houses houses and more houses to drop in our leaflets and tell the world about insulation grants! Unfortunately I never changed my shoes and end up walking in 3 inch heels around estates for 3 hours! My poor blue suede shoes are knackered.
I love canvassing and meeting the people, seeing the gardens and feeling the air.
My dad collects me at the Burlington Hotel and we have a wonderful father-daughter chat for ten minutes on the drive home.
After the morning I put myself through I am thoroughly rejuvenated.
This whole depression crying thing is a nightmare. It does absolutely nothing. Now I am rejoicing and ready to tackle the world like a new woman. Dan is relieved. Not only do I hurt myself and hurt him but it is not good for both of us. I hate moaning but I hate this poxy self pitying more.
Roll on presenting here I come…………

Fianna Fail Canvasser uncovered

Canvassing is not an easy job these days but Martin Mc Gettigan is a man with a mission. A former mayor of Raheny in Co. Dublin and a Peace Commissioner, Martin recently received the nomination from Fianna Fail to go forward as their candidate in the Donaghmede/Raheny/Ward area. Politics is in Martin's blood and his goal is to gain a Fianna Fail seat in this constituency.
Just under two years ago, Martin began canvasing six nights a week. At that stage, Ireland was still in the midst of the Celtic Tiger. As the months went by, it gradually became clear that the economy was changing as well as peoples opinions towards Fianna Fail and our leadership.
It was difficult for us, the canvassing team to go out some nights especially during the recent medical card scandal and strikes.
As a Fianna Fail supporter I was anxious to the reactions that I would receive on the doorstep and how I could justify my support for a party that was losing votes by the day.
Today's Irish Independent/Millward Brown IMS poll shows that support for Fianna Fail has plummeted.Only 1/5 voters feel that Cowen is doing a good job and only 1/10 is satisfied with the government.
My background is staunch Fianna Fail.The family home at Christmas is filled with politics and mistletoe, always something to love or argue about. For me growing up, Fianna Fail was all about Charlie Mc Creevys SSIA scheme which made us all feel like we could do anything, I bought shares and my brother travelled. We both had the means to be in a position to learn, which we now don't regret.The magic spell was short but intoxicating and very quickly without warning it changed so quickly. Life is now different, I can't remember the last time I went clubbing but now I can cook! Both of us hope we will be in our jobs next year.
I find today's poll confusing as the reactions which I have received at the door is not as bitter as suggested. True there is hostility and abuse and favour for Fianna Fail is lower but most people that I have spoken to are honest and understand that we among other countries have a rough ride ahead and an alternative party in power faced with these same problems that are facing Fianna Fail would also be receiving the same criticism.I did get the chance to talk with several people who were on the Civil and Public Service Union strike and they were there to support the situation but were not dissing Fianna Fail.
The Martin Mc Gettigan canvassing routine has at all times kept the show on the road.To be seen and to get talking to as many people as possible.Martin has been planning his campaign for the last two years and his dedication, commitment and personality will surely win him and Fianna Fail a seat. Please give Martin Mc Gettigan your No.1 vote! Martin can't change what is happening in the government or what leadership Cowen is taking. But if he wins a seat, he will be in a better position to help the Donaghmede/Raheny/Ward constituency. The local issues under Dublin County council. All politics is local and this is a local election.
I do wait in anticipation to see what positiveness will come out of this weekends Fianna Fail's Ard Feis and believe that this current government is doing it's best in a very difficult situation and are being very cautious. I am learning about life all the time, and will look back on this post in a few years time and think did I really write that?